Media County Secedes

By Matt Goeckel – Staters Union

A new county formed following Wednesday’s press conference. The media has decided to become an independent county with their own totalitarian government. Supreme Overlord Editor Inchief has declared war on Kansas. The Media has already captured most of Marshall and areas of Patton. Clashes are ongoing, and the 1st Camera and 93rd Copy Editor Battalions have suffered heavy losses.The newly formed “Media County” may be in trouble following Thursday’s battle in the southeast area of the state.

Attorney General Connor “Tomahawk” Casey took a very firm stance on the topic. “This is what Kansans have been waiting for,” he said excitedly.

“It took us a little longer than we wanted to, but preparations are over, we have our Tomahawk Missiles ready to launch at the Media,” Casey said.

“Be warned,” he continued. “Justice – is cruising for you.”

Governor Thill is worried the missiles may not be effective enough to defeat the media. “It’s a powerful enemy, and we’ve had to completely reconstruct our budget for the conflict,” he said.

“There have been attacks on my person. Yesterday someone had broken into my office and corrected a misspelled word in the budget,” he asserted.

“Wars have been started over less.”

The budget has now allowed for an expedited space program to combat the Media nuisance. A total of $3.5 billion has been borrowed to build a nuclear-capable space station to permanently eliminate the Media. “It seems extreme, but I assure you it is one hundred percent necessary” Governor Thill said.

Such a device may mean the end of Kansas as we know it, but the tyranny of the media must be avoided at all costs to protect the lives and sanity of the citizens.

This piece is intended as satire and is 100% fiction.

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